This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize