Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
They are going to name an STD after you.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
