So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
