An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I supernannyed him into submission
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
