Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
