Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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