the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize