You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
