Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
