i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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