He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Randomize
