This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
