Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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