Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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