Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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