News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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