I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
