I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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