Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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