It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
