I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
