I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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