omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I look excited, but its just a facade.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
