I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
