I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
