I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
