Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
