So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
