I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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