Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Success! We fucked roommates!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
