Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
