I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
