oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
