That's intense
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
