Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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