i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
