My Higher Power is John Stamos
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
