pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
