he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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