This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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