How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
