she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
