So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
