tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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