She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
