I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
