Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
