i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
