i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
