my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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