well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
