She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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