Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
