I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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