do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
