I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
