He is an equal opportunity slut.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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