"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
you had me at cake vodka
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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