did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
