Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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