Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
