Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
We were destined to go to rehab together
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
