Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
