u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
