considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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