So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
