I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
